It’s inevitable that there are going to be a range of characters and personalities in any office, despite the employer’s best efforts to match people to the company and the existing team. Here’s our guide to some of the types of characters found in most offices … which one are you??
The Re-Allocator
The Re-Allocator pinches from one desk and leaves the loot on another desk. This doesn’t have to just be pens, it can be staplers, post-it notes, but does tend to be limited to forms of stationery. They will “just borrow” something from your desk – with or without your permission, and walk away with it then leave it randomly on someone else’s desk. They are normally repeat offenders and most people in the office experience their pincher ways. They’ll never have a pen if you go to their desk though!
The Grazer
The Grazer will eat food (including snacks and fruit) throughout the entire day. They are constantly eating and chewing, rustling packets etc. It’s often difficult to get annoyed by The Grazer, even though their incessant chewing drives you crazy and you find you are hungry more often, as you are intrigued by what food they have and find yourself saying ‘that looks nice, what’s that?’.
The Groomer
The Groomer can be male or female and always looks amazingly impeccable, well turned out and cool. Their hair is generally always perfect, their clothes are fashionable and look fabulous and they look cool even when it’s baking hot. Whilst you will probably be envious of The Groomer, it’s going to be quite hard to dislike them as their super power is that they are normally really nice people too.
The Loud Talker
Whether they’re on the phone, chatting in the kitchen, talking to a colleague or in a meeting, you’ll hear them. The Loud Talker will have a voice that bellows around the office, sometimes at the most inappropriate times. It’s often very difficult to concentrate when they are around as their voice breaks your focus. The Loud Talker is often most dangerous when they are on a mobile phone.
The Hang Up-er
The Hang Up-er is often quite an infuriating character and can often come across as rude. The Hang Up-er will have a telephone conversation with you and hang up when they’ve finished saying what they’ve got to say. There’s no ‘Goodbye’ at the end – the handset just goes down. This is often because they are busy and don’t think, but it doesn’t make it right! There is a temptation to phone The Hang Up-er back and say you appear to have got cut off, but it is futile, they will just hang up on you again and leave you more annoyed. Be prepared.
The Slurper
Every office has one. The Slurper. The person who has a drink and slurps it with every mouthful they take. They often follow the slurp with an over exaggerated ‘arggghhh’. The Slurper can make your blood boil with each and every slurp, leaving you waiting for the next one knowing it will drive you just as crazy. Practice deep breathing and meditation – or have a loo break when it’s their coffee time!
The Procrastinator
The Procrastinator has a range of skills. They put everything off until the last moment and will often arrange meetings for the end of the day, arrive late to work, panic and demand all hands on deck to get work done for a deadline they’ve known about for weeks… need we say more??
The Moaner
The Moaner is a tricky one. Picture the scene…it’s Monday morning, everyone’s catching up and you ask the Moaner ‘How was your weekend?’ You know as soon as the question is out of your mouth you should never have asked it. You heard it and couldn’t stop it. You’ve now got to listen to them moan on about stuff for ages. The Moaner will often find negative things to say about lots of subjects, so unless you have some spare time, don’t ask them open questions!
The Trouncer
The Trouncer can always trump whatever you say. It may be you’ve got a new car, they got a new one but it’s a better one. You passed a course, they passed it and it was more difficult when they did it. They’ve always got to out-do you. It’s an annoying thing to listen to, but can also be fun. Make stuff up and see whether they’ve done that or more – see how far they will go!
The Gossip
They know most things and make up the rest. The Gossip loves a good conspiracy theory, but can always give you up to date information on what’s going. Whilst you may not want to confide your deepest and darkest secrets in The Gossip, they are a good person to befriend so you know what’s going on – leaving you one step ahead as long as their information is validated!
The Oracle
The Oracle is the person in the office who knows everything. You can ask them almost any question and they will know the answer or know where to point you to find out. The Oracle is a great person to have on side in every day work life, as well as in an emergency situation where you need reliable guidance or help pronto!
The Fear
The person whose presence in the office fills you with panic, dread and fear. They give you a sort of ‘child in trouble’ feeling – resulting in the best behaviour you can demonstrate. The office could be lively and jovial when they are not around, but then they arrive. The arrival of The Fear leaves the office shrouded in a deathly silence. Everyone puts their heads down and stops talking. Official Office Behaviour is resumed. The Fear is normally the Boss.
There are plenty of characters for us to list so watch out for the next instalment of our Guide to the Office Characters. Follow us on Twitter (or connect with us on LinkedIn) to make sure you don’t miss it!
Tags: Funny, Recruitment